What are you scared of? asked Dee, the blonde haired, blue-eyed lady in the Kripalu sauna who was washing the mirror.
I never understood what it was that she was asking me. It just came out of the blue. We were both cleaning the sauna and I was just scrubbing away at the floor when she spoke up. She also asked me if I ever just sat and did gentle asanas. She told me that I was powerful and that if I slowed down I would be more powerful.
I tried so hard to ignore it because I wanted so bad to keep on pushing my body and continue doing rather than being.
She was a reflection of myself giving me permission to take time out and just BE.
I tried so hard to push away what she was trying to give me. I was unconscious of her offering and paranoid of my own need to BE who she was trying to say I was. There was nothing wrong with what she offered and there was nothing wrong with my reaction. I just wasn’t ready. Her advice was powerful and I needed to find it within me before I could accept it.
That was in December of 2004. That was only 9 years ago.
I’m so thankful that I have continued to think of that moment and her powerful advice. Since that day, I’ve found it within myself, but haven’t always accepted it. Although there were times that I only accepted it on my own time, it doesn’t make it wrong. It just means that I had to encounter other moments or lessons to be reminded of it. I’ve done so many asanas since then and taken a billion breathes in between.
I’m sitting right with that spirit. That spirit is giving me the courage to see myself as something else. SHE is lighting the way for a positive future. The one I longed for, but was too stubborn to slow down and BE. The same future that I longed for on the day I was given permission to slow down.