Yesterday I awoke early in the morning to begin my day of teaching corporate yoga around Charlotte.
As I was writing in my journal at 5 am, I was writing about kids yoga and my passion for the work. I just got back this past Sunday from the first ever National Kids Yoga Conference at GW Public Health in DC. I’ve been buzzing from all the connections I made, education I received and inspiration that beamed throughout the day long conference. I am continuously grateful for the work I do and the work being done by so many other amazing kids yoga educators around the world.
I still, like any human being, have issues to deal with. I still have emotional days and I still get angry. My yoga brings me back to my breath and my connection with self, which then calms me and reassures me that everything is fine.
So after getting up super freaking early yesterday to teach corporate yoga around Charlotte, which is something else I do in my yoga profession, I went throughout my day praying for a sign from above to show me or remind me of why I am here doing this work. I was in a place internally where I needed a little reassurance……
Be careful what you pray for because even though what you are praying for is being answered, it doesn’t always feel peachy.
The early part of my day started out really good. I taught my classes with ease and confidence, I ate really well, felt the sunshine and warmth beam down on my face and shoulders, listened to my favorite music and overall felt a sense of euphoria pouring over me. I was all set to end my work day with a positive perspective when all of sudden, I got into my car and noticed poop on my seat. GROSS!
How did this poop get on my seat? I didn’t poop my pants!?
Oh shit! I stepped in dog poop before getting in my car earlier and since I drive with one foot on the seat it stuck to the seat. Oh shit! gross! did I drag that crap into Maersk when I went to teach? Thankfully I had some good antibacterial spray in my car to clean that crap off of my seat.
Fast forward to 30 minutes later.
I went to Barnes & Noble to buy a new book before heading into Earth Fare to eat lunch. As I was leaving Barnes & Noble, I was crossing the crosswalk and a young girl driving a big brown Land Rover almost hit me with her car. She wasn’t paying attention nor did she seem to care that I, as the pedestrian had the right of way. Thankfully she didn’t hit me and that I made it across (but with a very angry look on my face).
So at this point, I had stepped in dog poop while still pondering why people don’t clean up after their dogs and I almost got swiped in the cross walk. Now I am mad!!!!! I’m internally screaming ‘Since when does the driver have the right of way and the pedestrian doesn’t!?’ grrrrrrrrr…………
Fast Forward to 10 minutes later.
I walk up to the checkout lane at Earth Fare, put my plate of food on the counter along with a few items from the produce section and got greeted by the guy helping me with a BIG cough right on his hand and near my food. Now at this point I am internally screaming, ‘WTF! GROSS! I am so over it. Get me home.’ So I roll my eyes at the guy pay for my food and go eat my germ infested food all while reading online that a guy in Dallas was diagnosed with a case of EBOLA. ‘Seriously? Why is this happening? And why didn’t I ask the guy to give me my food for free or more importantly why am I choosing to still eat this? Oh but he coughed in his hand and then touched my produce. How will I wash the germs off?’
I finished my food. Got in my car and drove home. I walked into my apartment and that’s when my emotional tsunami hit. Tears and emotions pouring down my face. I felt I got hit with the ‘nobody loves me’ rock and I felt I was being dragged down by the funnel of darkness. As soon as I plopped onto my couch, I checked my facebook for the ‘upteenth’ time and the first thing I saw posted was my research paper that I wrote 3 years ago on the effects of Yoga and Add/Adhd. I was so thankful my kids yoga friend posted it to her facebook. I started reading it and as soon as I read the part about me taking ritalin at an early age, well that’s when the tears got heavy.
My body sat there quivering. My legs raised up and I grabbed a hold of my big toes and sat on my couch in ‘happy baby’ position. I felt like a whiney baby.
The beauty of this experience is that this is when it dawned on me. I wasn’t crying over this because I felt sorry for myself and my childhood experiences. I realized I was crying because I am passionate about children and bringing mindfulness into their lives so that they don’t have to be medicated. So that they can learn the tools necessary to remain mindful during times of stress, lack of focus, emotional outbursts or whatever they need in order to thrive throughout life.
And so it is……my prayer was answered. I was shown in my own moment of emotional distress why I am doing what I do and yes I am supposed to offer this work to children. Yes I am human and I too have moments that are just not fair or just not easy. Through yoga and breathing I have the ability to come back to my true self and receive the clarity that I need in order to remain calm. No life is not fair. We all have those days that plain out suck. We all step in poop somewhere along the way. But we also have the ability to return to the light.